Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Grammys

So now that we've all had a day to get over our shock and awe (or disappointment and boredom), I'll recap the Grammys from my perspective.  Also, just so you know, this is from memory so it is almost certain to be out of order and disjointed.  Enjoy.

LL Cool J hosted this year.  Ah, LL...I remember him back in the day, back in the "Knock You Out" days when he was oh-so-fine (and really, he still is) and I was oh-so-young (and really, I still act like I am).  He was rocking a velvet suit and I do mean rocking it.  I'm not sure I approved of the prayer at the beginning...don't we have some kind of separation of church and Grammys in this country?  Well, if we do, Nicki Minaj missed that memo.  And speaking of - what the fuck was that??  Did you see her "performance"?  I wasn't a big Nicki Minaj fan to begin with, now I'm not one at all.  That was the most pointless, attention-whore bunch of crap I've seen since Madonna played the Super Bowl (or the last time Lady Gaga was on stage).

Now that I brought Lady Gaga into this (despite her total irrelevance last night), what in the hell was she wearing last night??  Did she get confused while trying to put on her fishnets and just left them over her head?  What was with the giant stick?  Was she talking softly while she carried it or is she a majorette now?  Who knows with her.  She is obviously bat shit crazy.  The most hilarious part of her entire ensemble was the fact that someone thought it would be a good plan to have her wear it while sitting next to Miranda Lambert.  Mrs. Blake Shelton might be a wild and crazy girl, but she seems reserved and very un-Gaga (that's a compliment, by the way) and I felt sorry for her having to sit next to that hot mess.  At least there was no raw meat involved this time.

On to the performances...Bruno Mars rocked it.  I bet his shows are a crap ton of fun to attend.  He's always just a ball of energy on stage and looks like he's having a blast.  I also enjoyed Foo Fighters' performances, although I found the addition of the Mouse Dude a little disconcerting.  There was something off about following Dave's awesome acceptance speech about it being about the head and the heart and the human with a David Guetta/Deadmau5 performance, you know? 

I didn't watch Taylor Swift perform...mostly because she makes me puke and I have the power of fast forward.  I did watch The Band Perry, Blake Shelton and Glen Campbell though and that was good. The Civil Wars were excellent too, which is pretty much to be expected from those two.  I thought Jennifer Hudson did a great job (especially since she couldn't have had too long to prepare) and Alicia Keys and  Bonnie Raitt made a fine showing.  I fast forwarded through Chris Brown's bullshit (both times), but I watched Rhianna...mostly because my husband and I were pondering if she had lost weight because her ass seems to have completely disappeared which really is a shame.  I watched a couple minutes of Coldplay, only to try and put my finger on why I dislike them so much.  I can't decide, I think it's just because they suck.

I cheered out loud when Foo Fighters won and I booed when they lost.  Sure, Adele's album was fine, her voice is beautiful, blah, blah, blah, but I LOVE Wasting Light and Doo-Wops & Hooligans, so if I had been picking winners, she would have done more sitting and less crying on stage.  Her performance was one to be proud of though.  She seemed kind of nervous but she worked that shit out.  And she looked great - her eyelashes were ridiculous!  I must have some.  Now that I have somehow wandered over to makeup choices - what was happening with Carrie Underwood's eyelashes?  She is so gorgeous, her hair, her dress, it was all perfection - except those crazy looking spider eyelashes.  Gah.

So yeah, that's about it.  I have a standard awards show procedure: I record it, then about an hour or so after it starts I start watching the recording so I can fast forward through commercials and things that suck.  I started watching about 9:20pm and by 11:00 I was caught up.  There was a lot of fast forwarding to do - but that's because along with the flashes of awesome, there was a lot of crap on that stage Sunday night too...as usual.  The Grammys people need to get their shit together and get more genuinely talented people on that show and start rewarding that instead of focusing so much on crazy outfits, light shows and smoke and mirrors.

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